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- Breaking Free from the Past
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.
The Breakdown
DEEP DIVE
Hey fam!
Ever find yourself replaying those cringe-worthy moments from the past over and over? You’re not alone. We all do it, and it makes us human. But when those memories keep us from making new friends or trying new things, it’s time to take control.
Here’s the thing: our brains love a good ‘what-if’ scenario, but dwelling on the past can hold us back. I’ve been there, hiding out at events because of a past mistake.
You'll be (kind of) pleased to know that you're not alone in feeling this way. Rumination (overthinking about past failures) makes us dwell on the past too much. The problem: you create a negative spiral and self-criticise for not being more of something (e.g., smart, responsible). If these sensations happen often, it can increase the chances of experiencing anxiety + depressive feelings.
But why do we worry about the past so much?
Why We Focus on the Past
There are 4 reasons why we ruminate (overthink about the past):
Brooding:
What it is: When you're stuck thinking about the bad things you did or feeling down.
How it feels: You view yourself badly during these thoughts.
Reflection:
What it is: Purposely thinking about why you feel a certain way and finding a solution to your problems.
How it Feels: It's like you're taking a good look inside yourself on purpose.
Intrusive:
What it is: When stressful thoughts keep coming into your mind, even when you don't want them to.
How it feels: It's hard to stop thinking about that thing.
Deliberate Rumination:
What it is: Actively thinking about a situation from all sides to understand it better.
Why you do it: You're trying to figure everything out and come to a conclusion.
I've mostly experienced brooding and intrusive rumination from a young age. Dwelling on the past like this hurts our personal growth because it takes your attention away from the present and makes you feel like crap. We can't do anything to change the past and stressing over that will never help us.
Which type of rumination do you resonate with the most?
An important note: Sometimes, we focus too much on past successes, creating complacency. That requires a different approach (I might cover it in a future post).
So with all this in mind, how can we begin to overcome ruminating thoughts?
Dwelling about the past can have you stressing like this.
A Framework to Overcome the Pain
Notice (Identify Common Triggers and be Self-Aware): Pay attention to the triggers that set off those endless thought spirals. Reflect on situations/topics that fill your mind (journal about it if that helps). By identifying these triggers, you can recognise and intercept rumination before it takes over.
Detach (Create Psychological Distance): Imagine these thoughts as passing clouds (being mindful can help achieve this). When those thoughts arise, acknowledge them without judgment, and then gently redirect your focus to the present moment.
Shift to the Present and Future (Be Present and Look Forward): Do things that demand your attention in the here and now (like exercise, a hobby or spending time with loved ones). Additionally, set realistic goals for the future to shift your focus away from those negative thoughts.
TIPS & TRICKS
TAKE ACTION TODAY
Write down 1 thing you regret from the past (it can be anything)
Now, cross it out to create a break from the past.
Write 3 things you're looking forward to in the future (e.g. an upcoming holiday) to create a forward-looking mindset and let go of regrets.
THIS WEEK’S RECOMMENDATION
It is a good, short video on getting over your past mistakes. It offers a slightly different strategy than what I’ve found, try it out and let me know what happens!